introductory letter
Subject: Self-Introduction Letter
Dear Professor Blackstone,
I am writing with an intent of introducing myself to you. My name is Lim Heng Kiat, I am currently an (RSE) Robotics systems engineering student studying in (SIT) Singapore Institute of Technology. As compared to people of the same age group educations, I had come by a long way route. I did not successfully pass the o levels examinations, so I had to go through institute of technical education for my Higher Nitec study as a mechatronics engineer, afterwards I went to have my diploma educations in Singapore polytechnic as a mechatronics robotics engineer. When I was young, I had watched a few movies and series which story about how AI robots interact with humans which pique my curiosity on actually building my own AI robots. Therefore, it inspires me to join mechatronics and robotics courses to move closer building my own AI human size robots.
The weakness of my communications skills is that I lack of confidence in speaking, like when I have difficulty in presenting my projects or work in front of the audiences, as the look from the audiences make me hold back and think if I had did a good enough information to present to audience, or I am able to answer their questions or query, or my project research is acceptable for my manager or lecturer. However, my strength in communications is, I am a listener, I don’t mind in listening to people story when chatting or listening to people ideas in project groups as they may have a better ideas or solutions in the projects.
One of my goals is to build up my confidence of speaking by daily interactions with my team, pre presenting or rehearse when needed with my team members and moving on to presenting in class and then the company. Secondly, by participating in class I can pickup necessary skills like formal writing skills when communicating through emails refining my grammars and sentence constructing skills.
I look forward to learning more and improving in the coming classes.
Yours sincerely,
Heng Kiat
Hi Heng Kiat, by reading your professional interest in engineering portion, I understand that you are interested in Artificial Intelligence. I also have a keen interest in that matter. Great to hear I have a fellow classmate who shares the same interest as me! Moreover, you also mentioned that you are more of a listener as you find others have better ideas or solutions in the projects. I don't believe this is true. You should share your ideas too so that in the group, you could bounce off of each other's ideas to improve the result of your project. :)
ReplyDeleteSome pointers you need to take note of would be
1. sentence structures - "...I had come by a long way route" You could improve this statement by saying: you have come a long way
2. missing connectors - "...in communications is, I am a listener..." You should add in the word that to link the sentence and not use a comma
3. contractions - "don't" Do not use these words and instead use 'do not'
If you do need more clarification about my comment, do convey it to me.
Through your letter, I was able to learn more about you. Hope to get to know more about you!
Dear Heng Kiat,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the informative letter. We learn much about you in this post, and I appreciate you sharing in an open, self-critical manner. What I really like is yiur explanation of how your interest in programmes with robots helped you refine your educational career choice. You also show a penchant for detail as you describe your comm skills strengths and weaknesses as well as your goals.
In terms of language issues, there is quite a bit here to unpack:
1. sentence structure
-- My name is Lim Heng Kiat, I am currently an (RSE) Robotics systems engineering student studying in (SIT) Singapore Institute of Technology. > comma splice
-- I did not successfully pass the o levels examinations, so I had to go through institute of technical education for my Higher Nitec study as a mechatronics engineer, afterwards I went to have my diploma educations in Singapore polytechnic as a mechatronics robotics engineer. > ?
-- The weakness of my communications skills is that I lack of confidence in speaking, like when I have difficulty in presenting my projects or work in front of the audiences, as the look from the audiences make me hold back and think if I had did a good enough information to present to audience, or I am able to answer their questions or query, or my project research is acceptable for my manager or lecturer. > (Break this long sentence into more comprehensible short sentences.)
-- However, my strength in communications is, I am a listener, I don’t mind in listening to people story when chatting or listening to people ideas in project groups as they may have a better ideas or solutions in the projects. >
However, my strength in communications is I am a listener; I don’t mind in listening to people's story when chatting or listening to people's ideas in project groups as they may have a better ideas or solutions for the projects.
see https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/punctuation/independent_and_dependent_clauses/runonsentences.html
2. phrasing/word use
-- When I was young, I had watched a few movies and series which story about how AI robots interact with humans which pique my curiosity on actually building my own AI robots.
>
When I was young, I had watched a few movies and series whose story described how AI robots interact with humans. This piqued my curiosity on actually building my own AI robots.
-- Therefore, it inspires me to join mechatronics and robotics courses to move closer building my own AI human size robots. >
Therefore, these stories have inspired me to join mechatronics and robotics courses to move closer building my own AI human size robots.
3. lack of parallel structure
-- ... pre presenting or rehearse when needed with my team members and moving on to presenting in class and then the company. > (a) pre presenting or (b) rehearse when needed with my team members and (c) moving on to presenting in class and then the company. >
(CORRECT) pre presenting or rehearsing when needed with my team members and moving on to presenting in class and then the company.
Let's work on this. If you can take the time to plough through this, you will definitely see that language use is far down the launch pad from rocket science.
Best wishes,
Brad